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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/23778937">Starry Night</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/TrinkitTheCat/pseuds/TrinkitTheCat'>TrinkitTheCat</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Rusty Quill Gaming (Podcast)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>AR spoilers, Angst, But Only a Little Bit - Freeform, Canon typical character death, Gen, Mentions of other characters - Freeform, Season 4 Spoilers</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-04-22</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-04-22</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-18 11:01:01</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>479</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/23778937</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/TrinkitTheCat/pseuds/TrinkitTheCat</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Sasha watches and has a few thoughts, a few regrets and just a couple of emotions.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>12</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>16</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Starry Night</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>So um this happened I guess... I always have all the Sasha feels.</p>
<p>Do I only write internal monologue esc things because I can't write environments or movement or talking? The answer is yes.</p>
<p>This hasn't been edited by any one but me so sorry for any mistakes.</p>
<p>I hope you enjoy?</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Sasha watches from the shadows as she always does. Except if the shadows are the fast blackness of the empty sky. She slips between the stars as silently as a ghost on a mortal plain. </p>
<p>They’re doing ok she thinks, Azu and Hamid, it was a weird few months while they were away and following Zolf by himself just isn’t the same. But now zolf is back with the group, it’s almost like old times (and by that she means Zolf and Hamid. Bertie who?). They are without her but that’s ok isn’t it? Cel seems lovely and it’s not like they replaced her or anything right? </p>
<p>Going back to the past before her death is strange because she misses both families she had. And watching her first family form just doubles the ache, she wants to tell the past (future?) her when she first runs into zolf that everything will be ok (but that is lie and she can’t). </p>
<p>When she sees all the clues line up she wants to shout at them “there can’t you see it?” That’s how you fix this but it plays out the same way it always has and there’s nothing she can do, no signs she can give to stop this. She’s not a god, all she can do is watch. </p>
<p>Watching herself fall is... watching Grizzop look and then... she blames him. There's no easy way to say it. They could have been fine? She would have lived and seen zolf and Wilde and stood close to azu and hamid again and it would have been fine. They all would have been fine. That’s not true but she tells herself that anyway. </p>
<p>She doesn’t blame Grizzop, not really, he died for her, sacrificed himself for her. Practically threw himself on that spear to make sure she could live, and she’ll never forgive him. She cried over it while she still could but she can’t anymore, things like her don’t get tears. But the emotions are always still there. The pain is still real. </p>
<p>She wishes she had known that this was coming, looking down (back?) she can see that she didn’t care. Through herself into any danger, in front of any blade. She thought she didn’t matter. But when someone dies for you, bleeds for you, cry’s for you, it changes things. Her first family taught her that she deserved to live, her second family taught her how to love that life. And now she wishes she had stood a little closer and smiled a little longer, shown them how much she cared. But that would have hurt them all more when she left. So maybe it’s better this way? </p>
<p>As the sun slips into the sky, Sasha watches, now from the light (at the end of the tunnel). They’ll be ok eventually she hopes but she doubts she’ll ever be.</p>
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